Thousands of press releases are issued every week – and most of them are bollocks. So in my never-ending bid to make The World A Better Place One Press Release At A Time™, I’m offering a Tough Love Press Release Service™ for just £175™.

You’ll send me cash, I’ll read your press release (before you’ve issued it, naturally) and then we’ll chat. Then I’ll come back with comments and suggestions as to how you can make it newsworthy.

I’ll be honest – and if your current press release is destined to drown in a sea of obscurity I’ll tell you. It might be good, or half decent, and if it is I’ll tell you that too.

Better a little tough love from me, than putting out a press release that at best doesn’t have a hope in hell of succeeding – and at worst receives a tirade of abuse from a surly journo.

What I won’t do:

  1. Rewrite it for you. You’re only buying a maximum of 3 hours of my time. I’m something of a natural giver, but unless I stick rigidly to the 3-hour time limit, I’m not going to make any money (and my kids will go without the new Lego City set they need more than anything else in the WHOLE world).
  2. Promise to find the hidden jewel in your business. I might, but PR is teeming with people over-selling (moi apart). Saying that, I’m certain we’ll be able to move it on.
  3. Engage in endless to and fro before you hand over the cash – it’s £175, not a vital organ you’re giving me.
  4. Use it as an excuse to sell you PR. You’re buying a service – not a pitch – from me.

What I will do:

  1. Be honest, and do my very best to make it newsworthy, or find something within your business that is (within 3 hours – see my kids’ Lego needs above).
  2. Talk to you on the phone about it. I’m quite a chatty guy, so you might well welcome the 3-hour time limit.
  3. Be positive as well as critical. I won’t use your press release as an excuse to unleash my inner angst (“MORE LEGO! ARE YOU MAD!”).